TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet is provided with the release. The public buys your bull.
A FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
You charge others for storing them.
A HINDU CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You worship them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.
AN ISRAELI CORPORATION:
So, there are these two Jewish cows, right? They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then sell the movie rights. They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors. So, you should complain?
A TEXAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
That one on the left is kinda cute...
3:08:00 AM
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A very very domestic day. I've done the laundry, vacuumed, picked up dry cleaning, bought next week's groceries, and spent an hour ironing six shirts. How did my mom do it?
Also saw One True Thing, a bit of a sleeper and a weeper starring Meryl Streep, William Hurt, Renee Zellweger and Tom Everett Scott. Not bad.
I finished Planet of the Apes. It was horrid. That ending!
1:55:00 AM
Friday, April 26, 2002
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The group that I am in at work was asked to review a piece of computer hardware that lets you watch TV on your computer screen. After the review was completed, no one asked for the hardware back. So, at 11:00 every workday half of the people in my office gather around the computer to watch/participate in a viewing of "Jerry Springer." Right now some fish is screaming AT THE TOP OF HER LUNGS about her husband who abandoned her and her baby for another woman. My colleagues are yelling almost as loudly.
I try to find something else to do in another building every day at 11.
4:29:00 PM
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Hmmmm. Jimmy hasn't blogged in three weeks. That was the last day I talked to him, too. I do hope he isn't dead or something. Maybe he's on a covert mission. Maybe he's just too busy to say hello and let us know what he's up to.
3:37:00 AM
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The meeting Monday was anticlimactic. The project was delayed two weeks so that all the testing and documentation I had completed could be re-done as a result of the operating system updates released by Apple last week. So I'm plowing through them all again....
Rob K found out he got into Westminster Choir college in Princeton, NJ on Wednesday. If he gets a financial aid packet, I guess he'll be moving up there in September to major in performance music (Organ).
Looks like I'll be taking a trip myself, up to Philly next weekend for the Pride Festivals. Amtrak is only $80 or so for the round trip and I'll crash at Art & Tony's place.
Two weeks after that Dan & Ains will be in town for the wedding. Seems hard to believe how time is flying by.
I started watching Planet of the Apes last night. What a load of crap. I should have added it to my list, below.
3:34:00 AM
Sunday, April 21, 2002
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A conversation at work got me to thinking about what I may have missed out on, having spent the largest portion of my childhood overseas. I can't say it's entirely for that reason (my taste runs different than most americans'), but you may find it surprising to read that I've never seen:
Gone With the Wind
Casablanca
Citizen Kane
The Wizard of Oz (I've seen the beginning, up until she meets the Lion)
The Sound of Music
Psycho
It's a Wonderful Life
any movie with Barbara Streisand
Blues Brothers
Animal House
Fast Times at Ridgemont High
The Godfather (or any of its sequels)
Scream (or any of its sequels)
11:16:00 PM
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We had the Mac meeting on Thursday, finally, and it turned out to be a let down; no real decision has been made whether we're moving forward on the 29th, but several issues will come to a head & I'll know by COB tomorrow.
We had record heat Tuesday & Wednesday: 92 and 93, then powerful thunderstorms both Thursday and Friday. That's cleared the pollen, but it's still quite humid & today is just grey and dreary. I'd much rather not have the extremes.
I don't think I've accomplished much during the last week; work has been pre-occupying & I usually don't have much energy when I get home to do much except contribute to the groove in my couch cushion. I was in bed before 8:30 twice. I have put about 50 CDs up on Half.com today, as well as some books & DVDs. I also finished restoring my Compaq which I wiped last weekend as I wasn't having much luck digitizing tapes (too many extraneous programs loaded, too much fragmented space).
11:10:00 PM
Tuesday, April 16, 2002
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Bad news: Mac meeting was postponed again.
Good news: I'll be compensated for the 12 extra hours I worked this past pay period on the project.
9:49:00 PM
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Last Friday was the end of an interesting week at work. I have been working on the Project Implementation plan and the Interoperability Test plan for the Mac refresh project. During testing, we've found enough things not working or not yet ready or released from 3rd party vendors to make a case for delaying implementation after 4/29. A meeting was set up for today with the customers to discuss it, but in the meantime I was to have all my documentation ready in case we go ahead. So I spent seven hours at work over the weekend. It turns out the meeting has been postponed until tomorrow and this is my first free night in awhile.
I watched Stepmom and The Princess Diaries, two totally different flix. I had had these two DVDs checked out from Netflix for almost a month, and I wanted to get something fresh in the house. Stepmom had a great ensemble cast, and PD was a mild diversion.
Mailed my taxes today. 25 minutes, $38.16 owed.
3:58:00 AM
Sunday, April 14, 2002
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Saturday night, 10:30 and I'm ... at work!
3:29:00 AM
Friday, April 12, 2002
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Four months down, perhaps two to go, but I could hear any day now....
3:33:00 AM
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I just finished watching Forbidden Planet, a very cheesy 1956 sci-fi flick starring Leslie Neilsen. The effects, dialogue, sets and acting were all just laughable. But I needed a good laugh, a bit of mindless entertainment, as work has been weary. I am having to cut corners left right and center to get this project done by the deadline, and I'd rather have had another two months for propor testing & problem resolution. Seems all I've done this week is work, drive to Steve's to throw food at his dogs, veg in front of the TV for an hour with a microwave'd Lean Cuisine, and then bed.
3:31:00 AM
.
This just in:
My mum has a run in her stocking. She just called to tell me.
1:02:00 AM
PRINCE WILLIAM and Prince Harry have provided a delightful insight into the sense of humour of the Queen Mother, revealing that she did a wonderful impression of the spoof rapper Ali G. Prince William, 19, recalled the day at Sandringham, the Queen's Norfolk estate, that the Queen Mother discovered Ali G - the comic character created by Sacha Baron Cohen - and learnt how to mimic his finger snap and "respec" catchphrase. She astonished the Queen with the impression over Christmas lunch.
"It was two or three Christmases ago and we were sitting down watching Ali G on television," said Prince William. "We were laughing when she came in. She couldn't understand what was going on, so we explained. She saw Ali G click his fingers and say 'respec', and Harry and I showed her what to do. She loved it, and after three goes she had it. Later that day we were all in the dining room, having Christmas lunch, when she tried it out."
Prince Harry, 17, remembered exactly what the Queen Mother did. "It was at the end of the meal, and she stood up and said, 'Darling, lunch was marvellous - respec', and clicked her fingers."
Prince William said the entire family burst out laughing, including the Queen. He said of the Queen Mother: "She loved a good laugh, even if the joke was about her."
3:56:00 AM
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Sunday again, getting ready for Monday morning :-(
I had planned to go see Panic Room this weekend, as Beth indicated the ending was not what I feared it might be, and the critics have given it great reviews. I like most of Jodie Foster's work. My plans, however, fell through....
So instead I worked most of yesterday afternoon, putzed around for the evening, and slept way too late both mornings. This afternoon I met up with Steve for dinner at Pollo Rico (great charcoaled chicken) before heading over to the bowling alley, where he's in a league. I used to be in the same league, on the same team with him and two other friends of ours, Patty Kay and Nancy, and I hadn't seen either of them since sometime last year. Steve has lent me his car to look after his animals while he's away in Chicago this week. Look out, I'm dangerous with wheels!
On an aside, in an attempt to look after myself, I have switched from caffeinated cola to caffeine free wherever possible for the last week, and have found I haven't missed it as much as I thought I might. None of the headaches I had heard people suffering from withdrawal usually encounter. I go through about 2 litres/day, so I should try to cut it out completely.
3:53:00 AM
Friday, April 05, 2002
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Dave kindly drove us to Five Guys, Burgers and Fries in Alexandria for lunch. I am now catatonic and am having trouble finding the energy to depress the keys to type this entry. Stuffed, I am.
7:47:00 PM
Wednesday, April 03, 2002
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I've taken a mental health day today. Slept in until 30 minutes ago, and am now stumbling about my apartment in a caffeine-deprived daze. I doubt I'll get anything productive done, but it's a nice day (for a change) and I may just sit outside with a book.
6:59:00 PM
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On the spur of the moment, I decided to hop on the Metro right after work.
The Cherry Blossoms are supposed to be at their peak today, and I thought I would pay a visit as it very well may be my last time for awhile. I took some snaps and posted them here:
Just back from the Boivins, where Dad and I joined Beth her roommate Kelly at her mom's for Easter dinner. It's very much a tradition for us to spend holidays over there, and it's great to have such good friends close by to share with. Kelly wasn't too sure about one of the "traditional" side dishes as it was described to her--"Green Goo"--but she was OK after a taste test.
I don't believe it's already time to get ready for bed & go back to work. A one-day weekend (as I worked for five hours yesterday trying to fix our Mac cloning process) is for the birds.
3:58:00 AM
